In Search of Love

On an otherwise normal day at Knapp Haven I experience his love all over again.

Every nine weeks a fellowship in our town takes a turn leading the weekly afternoon worship services at Knapp Haven Nursing Home and last Sunday was mine. What this involves is 15 minutes of singing old hymns and gospel songs in the Special Care Unit (i.e., the Alzheimer’s wing) and a 30 minute service in the Activities Room which involves much of the same with a brief time of sharing. Over the nearly 19 years of my ministry here in Chetek my motives for going when it has been our turn have run the gambit from joy to obligation to duty to desire again. When we first came, Linda and the kids came with me. It was something we did as a family and fun to do. But as the years have passed it is only me now who every nine weeks tunes up his guitar, grabs his Bible and drives over to “Knapp” (as the locals refer to it) for church. Honestly, this past Sunday due to the fullness of the weekend I would have only been too happy to pass. But duty called and sometimes duty is all you have.

The residents in Unit 1 (i.e., the Special Care unit) were resting in the many recliners that line the walls. A few are up in their wheel chairs. One of the ladies has been blessed this day with a visit from a large gaggle of relatives and they are blathering away in the back of the room. It’s okay with me. Ministering in Unit 1 is sort of what I assume ministry in a coffee house is like: people are coming and going as they like. A few of the residents are assisted to sit in a semi-circle around me and I dutifully begin to play. I choose “Beautiful Savior” and a few lines in I hear a beautiful voice that is singing along with me. It is a woman named Helen with blazing white hair and I am sincerely blessed to have this day a participatory audience. She knows every word. When we come to the end of the song, her face brightens with a smile and she claps with joyous appreciation. And there is something in this small gesture that ignites my dull spirit with life. I sing “Jesus Loves Me” for a follow up and as Helen and I sing, the well-worn words become real to me all over again as if I’m learning them for the first time. When we complete the song, she smiles and claps again as if I were some famed troubadour who has come to grace these poor people with my presence. But it’s the other way round. I have been the one graced with Helen’s voice and smile and applause and I am sincerely humbled by her generosity.

In that moment I am reminded of something Duane had said in the midst of his message at Refuge that morning: “Our name is very special and calling someone by name is a way of honoring each other for God knows our name.” I share that and without a hint of patronizing pastorspeak, I remind them that they are all special to God and he knows them by name. At the close of our brief gathering, as I have done ever since I first began coming to Knapp Haven, I go around the room with Sue (the nurse in charge that afternoon), shake each hand carefully and call them by name.

A few minutes later I’m in the Activity Room which during the course of a given week is the place for daily devotions or Bingo or whatever the need may call. God’s presence, of course, turns the room into a meeting place. With my heart still warmed by what had just occurred on the other end of the building, after introducing myself instead of leading in the singing of a few hymns quite uncharacteristically I begin to preach. Marjorie is sitting in her usual place and it makes me think of her granddaughter, Stephanie. She’s a girl from Focus who presently is in New Zealand attending the Around-the-World in 80 Days Discipleship Training School. Right before Stephanie left, she shared at Refuge that the real reason she was traveling to the far side of the world was that she wanted to know that God loves her.

Now, Stephanie is a remarkably put together young woman. In 2007, she was not only crowned Miss Chetek but Miss Teen Wisconsin. She graduated in the Top 10 of her class in 2008 and carries herself very gracefully. In fact, as I told my audience that afternoon, if I could use one word to describe Stephanie it would be “grace.” She is a very beautiful young woman and yet equally secure (the two do not always go together). She has walked with Jesus for as long as I have known her and has been a model of integrity. But for all this she questions whether God loves her.

It made me think of a story from my daughter’s life. When Christine was a senior in high school, in the spring of the year Linda and she went prom dressing shopping with but $100 in their budget which, as anyone knows about these things, is akin to trying to buy champagne on a beer budget. In the parking lot of Oakwood Mall, however, my wife turned to our daughter and said, “Let’s pray first.” So they did and then in fear and trepidation made their way into the mall. Finding it was as easy as walking into the store which is what they did and there, as if waiting for Christine, was a beautiful black dress that, as it turned out, fit her perfectly. But that wasn’t the best of it for as they were going through the check-out line, the cashier scanned the tag attached to the dress and offhandedly said, “Oh, this one is on sale. It’s $85.” To her surprise, a mother and daughter were suddenly laughing and crying together having just tasted afresh and seeing again that the Lord is good.

I’ve told that story before. In fact, it’s one I’ve already blogged about (Extravagant Love 1, 4-14-08) and every time I retell it for me it is proof of God’s love for each of us. For not only does he love my daughter but he cares that she look her best for her senior prom even leaving enough left over so that she could accessorize. He’s that kind of God. Which reminded me of another chapter from Christine’s life which I then shared with all of them.

The summer after she graduated from high school, Christine spent four and half weeks in South Korea teaching conversational English. For a young woman who has struggled with a learning disability her whole life this was a remarkable undertaking. For two weeks she lived in the home of a Korean couple in a city the size of Rice Lake (about 8,000). Though she knew not a lick of Korean and only the husband spoke rudimentary English, they got along capitally. And, as she tells me, when the time came to move to another town she was sad to go and fearful as to what the next few weeks would bring. This time she would be living in the small village of Inje, a mountain hamlet of 17 buildings. When she arrived, full of fear and angst, what was her surprise when she heard, “Well, hello Christine. How are your parents?” It was Pastor Myoungdae Pyo, the Methodist minister with whose family Christine would be living. Pastor ‘Dae’ as he is known had been to Chetek five years before leading a small contingent of Korean middle school students who had lived in our city a month. We had him over for dinner during his stay in our city and during our meal together he had said to Christine, “You must come and stay at my home one day.” And now five years later she was standing outside the very place thousands of miles from Chetek but nearer to home than she could have possibly imagined. In my opinion, that moment was worth the trip – to find out for herself that while she may not always know where she is but He knows the way she takes and she is always in His care.

Stephanie’s whole trip to New Zealand and elsewhere has cost her $15,000. That’s a lot of money to find out if God loves you. Some might opine that it would have been better to spend these funds furthering her education and that this whole episode in her life is a waste of time and money. But what glorious waste. There is some knowledge in life that is essentially meaningless simply as concept or theory. To know that one is loved by God and to know it personally is perhaps the best knowledge of all and if need be worth spending $15,000 to find out. No matter what else happens to Stephanie Down Under during her stay there, regardless of the awesome sights and wonderful experiences she’ll enjoy, if she finds out for herself that Jesus loves her it is knowledge enough to transform a life. No wonder Paul prayed for a group of believers that

…out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through
his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts
through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,
may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge – that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
(Ephesians 3:16-19, NIV)


There are some people who travel through life and never know for themselves that they are loved by God. That afternoon I looked out on my small congregation and I wondered how many of them were just like that. Oh, they’ve been to church most of the Sundays of their days and been rightly catechized in the faith of their choosing but their hearts remain devoid of the love that Paul says “surpasses knowledge.” And so before picking up my guitar to fill the last ten minutes or so with singing, I prayed Paul’s prayer for all the residents gathered in that room that day.

As I drove home from Knapp Haven following the service that afternoon, I found myself grateful for the call of duty that had brought me there in the first place. Think what I would have missed out on - Helen’s smile, her enthusiastic applause, the poignant moment of silence which followed my sharing the stories of Christine and the sweet taste of God’s goodness which I feasted on all over again.